blankness...

it's not that i have no substance, but i have not essence. life has become a two-month marathon work project that has me simply dismissing the existence of anything other than translation. i've started to quite actively although effectively hating my computer, just wishing to spend time away from it (but that doesn't get me any closer to the goal of freedom)... i'm developing the physical syndromes of overworking myself - impaired focus ability and the damn tennis elbow... and the race is not even close to being over...

i've always been cautious in my profession...
and then i overdid it. and i kept overdoing it. and now i'm overdone.

and there's no getting out. the only way it getting down.
so i try to get up, try to keep to the side.
try to look ahead, not look behind and trust the person i distrust the most

- myself.