somewhere along the way i realized that i don't handle competition well. unless i'm my own competition. and that's a handful already.
so along the way i chose not to engage in competition. i compete against myself, and i get incredible pleasure from beating myself. i've biked mountains, crossed seas, ran til everyone went home, created, grown, shared, loved...
always without engaging in competition. i just don't do well. i guess i don't have the drive to defeat another. i have to fundamentally change my game just to try to try to win a set in tennis. and i don't like it. it's not my game.
and it's all great. well most of it.
you see, i don't fear (the) competition because i know who i am, why i do what i do, and how much (and in what way) i care about it. caring... is the problem.
competition kills me. i get half way through the set balanced with the opposition. then i just don't deliver the fatal blow. and then when i care to much to win - i blow it. i don't deliver the blow - i just blow it. i just don't handle competition.
but on my own - i kick (my own) ass! :)
...at least i know what the problem is. that's the beginning.
oh, yeah - this is the case when were even. mess with me on my turf, with my thing - and you'll get the opportunity for a slap with the gauntlet. and then you get to ride the catapult to the moon!
