The wakeup call

History,
Diplomacy,
EU integration,
Public media,
Law,
Public finances,
Privatization,
Economics,
Politics,
Telecommunications,
Labor,
Tobacco industry,
Tax & excise policy,
Health,
PR & advertising,
Film industry,
Refugee crisis,
Hotel industry,
Tourism, and
Skiing.

This is the sum of the topic covered in translations that did in one 24-hour period. This is what life has become - getting high on work-related numbers and lists, while the soul dwindles.
Time for change...

a day in the life...

dawn. wake up, get up, walk animal(s), feed animals, turn on computer, make coffee, sit down at computer...
it's just another workday.
so i warm up with a little press clipping for a corporate client. i could skip coffee, but i can't start working without this warm-up. facebook also helps pass the time. when i finish that i get down to real stuff.
these days's it's been a friend's father's memoirs. the serb uprising against the fascist croatian puppet-state in the second world war. i finished it last night, but it's been a hell of a trip the past three months. the guy's got a good sense of humor, and even though he's talking about various killings (some that he witnessed first-hand) it isn't a difficult read. but his language is complicated. we're temporally, geographically, linguistically, and educationally distant. it was a good challenge. and it was nice to exchange comments (mainly linguistic) with a 90+ year old by email.
but i spent three months in someone else's head. and it can be tiring. to consider the person's life experience, everything possible i could learn about them and the place/time that they describe, to make educated guesses about that which i cannot know, time and  again... the entire time thinking about the reader and the explanations that i might have to add. and then keeping the integrity of the text, the language, the style...
and then it's over. it's like a child you raised and its time to release it into the world. you've done what you've done, and its time to say farewell. these experiences stay with you...

its been almost four years. the tree has grown.
i still play tennis in the same place, but many other things have changed. i won't get into that now. i just wanted to break the ice.

dealing with competition

somewhere along the way i realized that i don't handle competition well. unless i'm my own competition. and that's a handful already.
so along the way i chose not to engage in competition. i compete against myself, and i get incredible pleasure from beating myself. i've biked mountains, crossed seas, ran til everyone went home, created, grown, shared, loved...
always without engaging in competition. i just don't do well. i guess i don't have the drive to defeat another. i have to fundamentally change my game just to try to try to win a set in tennis. and i don't like it. it's not my game.
and it's all great. well most of it.
you see, i don't fear (the) competition because i know who i am, why i do what i do, and how much (and in what way) i care about it. caring... is the problem.
competition kills me. i get half way through the set balanced with the opposition. then i just don't deliver the fatal blow. and then when i care to much to win - i blow it. i don't deliver the blow - i just blow it. i just don't handle competition.
but on my own - i kick (my own) ass! :)

...at least i know what the problem is. that's the beginning.
oh, yeah - this is the case when were even. mess with me on my turf, with my thing - and you'll get the opportunity for a slap with the gauntlet. and then you get to ride the catapult to the moon!

Zgrabi priliku

Prokleto zgrabi priliku kad je pred tobom. Uhvatis je sa obe ruke, scepas jako, kad si vec bio zeljan/zeljna. Isisas sve sto zivot pruza. Budes hrabar/hrabra, mudara/mudra, odlucan/odlucna. Prilike se ne javljaju svaki dan, i potpuno je glupo zaliti (ja znam). I onda napravis nesto od toga. Nesto super, ono sto si zeleo/zelela, ono sto si sanjao/sanjala, ides dalje, dalje ima mnogo dobrih stvari, prokleta buducnost, ona sto je sam/a krojis. Nema bre nista da ti stane na put a da je ne razbijes, jel ti to mozes, a i znas da zelis (ma koliko se skrivao/skrivala iza neodlucnosti). To je sve sranje. Nije da imamo malo vremena na ovom svetu nego ga trosimo na gluposti. A kad stanes, kad bas stanes, i kad bas razmislis, znas koje su stvari koje su prave, koje su ti, koje su uvek bile ti, samo si bio/bila kukavica da se sa njima suocis. Ali kad ti se otvore oci, kad ti sine, onda ti to ostane. I tada su planine brdasca, mora su bare, i sve mozes da prevazidjes, jer si progledao/progledala. I tad pocinjes da zivis. Tad se desavaju prave stvari. Sve je ostalo papazjanija. A papazjanija je sranje. I sta sad sedis??? Uradi nesto! Uradi odmah. Ne cekaj da prodje ni ovaj trenutak! Koji ces kurac posle da razmislis. Zivot. Sad! Uradi to, impulsivno! Oseti vetar pozitivne neizvesnosti u kosii! Da, da. Tebi govodim. I znas sta treba da uradis, nemoj da se foliras. Mislim, foliraj se u formi, ali nemoj da se poigravas sa sustinom!
...jebo te koncert.

Superstitions...

It started raining - she's probably around the corner...
I've gone swimming - she's probably around the corner...
The sun is shining - she's probably around the corner...
A car has stopped - she's probably around the corner...
I'm at the store - she's probably around the corner...
There's a light on the horizon- she's probably around the corner...
I'm in the bathroom - she's probably around the corner...
That song is playing - she's probably around the corner...
I'm deep in my work - she's probably around the corner...
I'm not doing anything - she's probably around the corner...
I've given up hope - she's probably around the corner...
I'm writing this - she's probably around the corner...
I'm posting this - she's probably around the corner...

...She's not. I don't even know that she is coming.

wanting...

A long time ago, in a land of chaos and freedom, a young lad wanted something. And he wanter it badly. And he wanted it for so long and so much that it just fell apart. The more he tried the further away it was. And then he could no longer see it, and he lost the vision. It just faded...
He later found something else that he wanted, and he started anew. He did everything he could think of, everything he had ever heard anyone else had done to achieve this, but it was all in vain. He watched himself want and try, and yet again he watched his want drift away, and the more he swam, the further it was, until it was over the horizon...
Over the years he realized that this was a reoccuring theme... He then decided to stop wanting. It took years for this to actually happen. Then one day he woke up - and it was gone. He had stopped wanting. He lived happily. But not ever after.
A part of him had died. True, he had rid himself of that most evil monster - expectation, but he had also killed that most beautiful of things - yearning. Life was simpler without disappointment, but it was also duller. Nothing could hurt him, but he also stopped feeling, careing. His heart had turned to stone. And no one can empathize with a heart of stone.
And then it happened. Sitting all alone, having escaped to a monastery and away from everyone - he had a revelation. What he really wanted was to feel. And having shattered the stone, exposing the soft, vulnerable but still beating heart - he realized what he had been feeling all the time. He had but one true love, only one that he carried within, and that was the truth. With this knowledge he stood up, tall and proud, and went off into the world to pursue her, and win her back... For the love of your life comes but once... And you've gotta be a damn fool to let her slip away! (no matter how much it might hurt to ultimately lose her)