into the dark...

My heart beats slightly out of control. My breathing is heavy, but I try to restrain the rhythm. I feel every last hair on my body stand on end, caressing the still breeze of the air. I would tremble in anticipation, but then I would be out of control. I slow my breathing a little more. It’s like trying to stop your heart beat, forcing the rhythm of the diaphragm on the heart. I can feel my intestine moving. There’s no tricking my body. It knows what comes next. Just the idea of the cold air that is going to slide across my arms and chest, neck and back – it drives me into a frenzy. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus. Simplicity. It’s a routine. The next step is getting dressed and lacing up. It’s the same every time. My little stool, carefully tying each shoe, making sure it’s not too tight. It’s cold outside. Just the way I like it - zero degrees and foggy. No wind. I will have to make sure not to overdo it, not to lose the breathing rhythm. Gasping for air would not be a good idea, especially when stopping is not an option. The trick is to slowly push up the tempo until you get warmed up enough to go sleeveless, and grasp the point where the warmth you radiate is balanced with what your body produces. Still cold air is best for this. A cold winter night, just like this one. I’m starting to sweat. The sheer though of this is exciting me. Time to lace up. Darkness awaits.