... on screen. ever seen yourself? i don't think i would recognize a positive reflection of myself. i guess i'm just that kind of person - enjoying the good times, the good things, the good... but show me (what i consider) my negative - uf! i'd see it immediately.
well that was the theory, until just now.
there i was (ok, a female version), a person made bitter by the small things in life, blowing small things out of proportion because of the "big picture" without taking into account the good sides. you can't get the big picture with a telescopic lens. it's nice to know the details, but i've had too much time on my hands, and to many details that interest me. but the big picture... to stop and inhale the big world, the entire concept of what we refer to as life... - THAT take's an effort.
so aside from suffering from my workaholic abstinence, i've been also struggling against the momentum that comes with having too much free "mental" time (it get's you mental - definitely) and i've been lost in that famous "brain storm". my work is my shelter from that blizzard. and i have but a tent.
then there's the socially-imposed ambition that led to criticism, understanding why things are not better, and what we "should" do to achieve "higher" things... (oh, society has such messed up values sometimes... derived from "development", killing humanity)
there have been better times to be me.
but then i'll be back to looking up, looking out, looking over and looking after. and then when that's settled - i'll give you a look, too.
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