dignity

when i was young(-er, about half my present age) someone said at an appropriate moment that the americans would never survive the economic sanctions that serbia (then one of the versions of the state called yugoslavia) did – for the simple reason that they would not be able to cope with the situation. quite possibly true.
this image is something that has become common in recent years (decades) in belgrade. it’s a form of recycling, social work, face-saving, compassion – all rolled into one.
you see in the social decay that had engulfed us here, different social groups that suffered different fates – on the way down, as well as now, on the way up. i’ve grown accustom to shantytowns, beggars, little homeless children jumping in the city fountains on hot summer days; i’ve also seen poor rural mountain regions, where only the elderly remain… but the one thing that i stomach worst of all is the vision of an elderly lady or gentleman, dressed in quite nice clothes, the style that i associate with my own grandparents, dumpster-shopping.
the thought of how difficult it was for a middle-class, probably intellectual, to swallow their pride that first time, the thought of their empty stomach, the disparity of having to give up their dignity for the sake of a piece of stale bread, tossed in a dumpster.
i’ve heard the stories of retired office workers, engineers, attorneys, without children, who retired and when the crash came they were left with nothing. without anyone to take care of them there was no opportunity for them to regain their savings, no chance of returning to the lives they had planned for and invested in during their careers. once in that position there was no way back.
in time a spontaneous system of assistance emerged. there were no great campaigns for helping this elderly group, only the very seldom mention of the suicide rate among retired urban dwellers. today it’s a bit better. we’re all doing better. but they are still here; they still roam the streets today. you might spot them when darkness falls, wandering with a single bag in hand, casually glancing at the contents of bins and dumpsters. what will be for dinner tonight?
at one point we (here) were all getting close to contemplating such a fate, which is why no one will ever criticize the lack of a systemic approach to this issue. we were stripped of our dignity to some extent (others more than some). having seen perspective you have a special appreciation for dignity. these bags are proof and a reminder of it.
this is not homage to the people that leave the bags, and its not support for those that take advantage of them – neither of them would have any benefit. this is just a little reminder about the world around us, and the details that tend to fall off our radars…

finally...

the first one of the season. a moment's break from maturity, a flash of childhood. a cool One.

cultural clash/symbiosis

animal-drawn vehicles were banned from central belgrade long ago, at a point in time when belgrade became the great metropolis that it is today. or is it? we do have our silicone valley (not a spelling error) - a stretch of fancy cafes in what used to be a very quiet residential street when i was growing up - but then there is the other side, that what exists when no one is looking.
perhaps it is symbolic that i'm sitting here, on the upper floor of the cafe, like these other "busy/working people", looking down on those passing by (SUVs as well as carts). i am sitting online, wireless, sipping coffee and mineral water with lime, camera next to me, finishing work on a friday afternoon. but then they passed by. it's a little reality check. my link is slower than what most people in the west would ever consider "fast internet", but on the other hand - i'm looking at a 1 hp vehicle passing by, and performing what i consider a progressive task. it is the roma (gypsie or whatever they would like to be called - makes no difference to me) people that are the recyclers in our society. some people would consider them the local equivalent of the untouchables. disrespect. but these guys aren't even using fossil fuel. respect. total respect.

getting dirt under the nails...

i guess spring came early this year. i mean - it took us less than a week after the lastest of the last season holidays to get the christmas tree in the ground. that's always been one of the sacred rituals of connected to "xmas-etc". i would wear my white-rimmed rubber boots (if i could only remember the brand...) - which i hated, and we would go out to our plot of land and i would help my father dig the hole. my duty was to hold the tree upright, which included getting pricked by the pine needles. even though we would have to wait for the snow to melt, the weather would still always be gray. and it was never mid-january.
as time flew by (and boy is it picking up some speed now!) the family dispersed throughout the world (ok, it's the continent, but might as well be the world). the land has been more less abandoned, even though it is a great escape from the city. it was me and a couple of friends, but it still had that air of tranquility, time suspended. but with a layer of decay that has covered it all. the house needs mending, the grass needs tending, and i need to go there and do that. i need it selfishly. i need to go that distance, not necessarily to use that what is achieved. that's this magical connection to the land. mixing soil and sweat, inhaling the grass. this idea is never as clear as when you put the shovel to the ground on a gloomy january day (but in short sleeves, nevertheless).
so, this year i've touched it in january. i've gotten it under my nails, i've smelt its moisture, seen its creepy inhabitants. the next step is self-discipline and going back to the roots. the eternal question that comes with every pledge in january. will i persevere? (perseverance in quitting is not perseverance)

what happened to white xmas...

shorts and t-shirt, that's what's appropriate for an afternoon recreational stroll along the river these days. i mean - who care's that it's mid-january, and that we learned in elementary school that the our climate has cold winters and hot summers. i still haven't made my snowball this season. that's one of my traditions that let me know that there was snow. i keep going back in my mind to when i was eight, and when we always hoped (and were raraly disappointed) that there would be snow for republic day (november 29). these day's i long for the nights to reaching freezing. my winter running season is being disrupted. i never thought i'd be overheating while running in january, like i did the other night.
what's going on?
it's not exactly like anyone knows. too many interest groups, too many people pulling in their own direction with no obligation to make committments or reach compromises. humanity. and then it's back to the good old story about the individual contribution (if one wishes to do so) and it's weight in the total. i might not drive a car or even use high polluting fuel for heating etc. but the question is what is being done on my behalf - whether/how is my waste water being processed, is what i pay for municipal bills being used as reported. apparently thing's aren't moving in the right direction. i've started recycling my plastic water and milk bottles. gotta do something more - this isn't enough. i'd like my kids to have a white christmas.

just before the politicians go silent...

after months of talk, investments of time and energy, so many words, and so little meaning, tonight is the last night of the election campaign. the circus is stopping at the boiling point, which it has been working up to gradually over days and weeks. the television program is overwhelmed by political speaches, interviews and rally footage. the same phrases repeated yet again, money spent on airtime and production. in two days we vote and then all the words are supposed to be transformed into action. long ago i stopped believing in miracles, great leaders and saviors - if i ever was a believer. i still believe in ideas, and as such i trust certain people with some of them. but this time around i have no one that i might call a bearer of light. this time it's optimization, laying down the limitations and the optimization function and looking for the maximum. my trust in the state is no greater. my belief in personal struggles - my own and those with whom i chose to share my life - is as strong as always. we do persevere, but not in accordance with the notion of democracy. this time around i find myself craving a functioning state, a system, with higher values and notions falling into the background. even this is not straight forward, and i make my choice based on yet the next derivative of logic. this time around this is my only comment and effort i've made.

days in bed...

so after the party the appropriate thing to do is to get sick. there's nothing better than spending a couple of days in bed, communicating with the world using all the god-given wireless gadgets... it's a luxury not to have to go anywhere in a hurry, to just watch the minute hand make its slow rounds.
drink your tea, take your pills, breath slowly and sleep until you can sleep no more. the perfect excuse for taking time off... it's been years!

seasons' greetings...

the season comes to an end. it's been the standard fortnight of parties and going out. life kind of stops admidst the festivities. the second xmas was today (old calendar) and the family was together once again. the children are growing up and scattering. it's the way it goes. but then again, it will be christmas again in less than 12 months, and if nothing else, we will most likely be together again. not very inspired. head full of toxins. time for detox. had to say somthing about the good times.