Zgrabi priliku

Prokleto zgrabi priliku kad je pred tobom. Uhvatis je sa obe ruke, scepas jako, kad si vec bio zeljan/zeljna. Isisas sve sto zivot pruza. Budes hrabar/hrabra, mudara/mudra, odlucan/odlucna. Prilike se ne javljaju svaki dan, i potpuno je glupo zaliti (ja znam). I onda napravis nesto od toga. Nesto super, ono sto si zeleo/zelela, ono sto si sanjao/sanjala, ides dalje, dalje ima mnogo dobrih stvari, prokleta buducnost, ona sto je sam/a krojis. Nema bre nista da ti stane na put a da je ne razbijes, jel ti to mozes, a i znas da zelis (ma koliko se skrivao/skrivala iza neodlucnosti). To je sve sranje. Nije da imamo malo vremena na ovom svetu nego ga trosimo na gluposti. A kad stanes, kad bas stanes, i kad bas razmislis, znas koje su stvari koje su prave, koje su ti, koje su uvek bile ti, samo si bio/bila kukavica da se sa njima suocis. Ali kad ti se otvore oci, kad ti sine, onda ti to ostane. I tada su planine brdasca, mora su bare, i sve mozes da prevazidjes, jer si progledao/progledala. I tad pocinjes da zivis. Tad se desavaju prave stvari. Sve je ostalo papazjanija. A papazjanija je sranje. I sta sad sedis??? Uradi nesto! Uradi odmah. Ne cekaj da prodje ni ovaj trenutak! Koji ces kurac posle da razmislis. Zivot. Sad! Uradi to, impulsivno! Oseti vetar pozitivne neizvesnosti u kosii! Da, da. Tebi govodim. I znas sta treba da uradis, nemoj da se foliras. Mislim, foliraj se u formi, ali nemoj da se poigravas sa sustinom!
...jebo te koncert.

Superstitions...

It started raining - she's probably around the corner...
I've gone swimming - she's probably around the corner...
The sun is shining - she's probably around the corner...
A car has stopped - she's probably around the corner...
I'm at the store - she's probably around the corner...
There's a light on the horizon- she's probably around the corner...
I'm in the bathroom - she's probably around the corner...
That song is playing - she's probably around the corner...
I'm deep in my work - she's probably around the corner...
I'm not doing anything - she's probably around the corner...
I've given up hope - she's probably around the corner...
I'm writing this - she's probably around the corner...
I'm posting this - she's probably around the corner...

...She's not. I don't even know that she is coming.

wanting...

A long time ago, in a land of chaos and freedom, a young lad wanted something. And he wanter it badly. And he wanted it for so long and so much that it just fell apart. The more he tried the further away it was. And then he could no longer see it, and he lost the vision. It just faded...
He later found something else that he wanted, and he started anew. He did everything he could think of, everything he had ever heard anyone else had done to achieve this, but it was all in vain. He watched himself want and try, and yet again he watched his want drift away, and the more he swam, the further it was, until it was over the horizon...
Over the years he realized that this was a reoccuring theme... He then decided to stop wanting. It took years for this to actually happen. Then one day he woke up - and it was gone. He had stopped wanting. He lived happily. But not ever after.
A part of him had died. True, he had rid himself of that most evil monster - expectation, but he had also killed that most beautiful of things - yearning. Life was simpler without disappointment, but it was also duller. Nothing could hurt him, but he also stopped feeling, careing. His heart had turned to stone. And no one can empathize with a heart of stone.
And then it happened. Sitting all alone, having escaped to a monastery and away from everyone - he had a revelation. What he really wanted was to feel. And having shattered the stone, exposing the soft, vulnerable but still beating heart - he realized what he had been feeling all the time. He had but one true love, only one that he carried within, and that was the truth. With this knowledge he stood up, tall and proud, and went off into the world to pursue her, and win her back... For the love of your life comes but once... And you've gotta be a damn fool to let her slip away! (no matter how much it might hurt to ultimately lose her)

My Phantom Limb

I had her.
She had me.
I wanted a lot.
I had no idea what.
I had no idea what she wanted.
She wanted me.
I wanted her to want more.
I didn’t know who I was.
I’m not sure I know even now.
No one could want that, right?

She knew who I was.
I didn’t realize that.
Then I broke it.
I did.
I had to let her go.
I broke her heart.
Now I don’t have her.

I lost all the trust.
I hope that there is a way.
I beg her forgiveness.
My heart is aching.

I hope she has herself.
I really do.
She still has me.
I know that.
I hope she knows that.
I can’t even say anything.
That doesn’t matter.

I want her to have herself.
I want her to spread her wings.
I have no right to expect their shelter.
I want her to do things for herself.
I want her to grow big and strong and happy.
I want her to conquer the world.
This is what she deserves.

I have no right to expect anything.
I want not to expect anything.
I’ve forfeited all rights.
I want her never to see this.
I can’t have any wants.
What I want is irrelevant.

She is my phantom limb.