there are few things in life that i have taken to be my own. these are things that required not sacrifices (i'm not known for my sacrificial character) as much as dedication. over the years i've really tried many things, always moving on to the next once my curiosity was satisfied. and then there are the special things. running is one of them.
i didn't realize how heartbroken i was when i had to quit three years ago. there was that nice period of denial where i kept telling myself that my injuries would recover in a couple of months and that i'd be back by the summer. and then the abstinence set in. running is a drug, at least the way that i consume it. the feeling of a good stride (it takes months to reach it), the long meditative run, the adrenalin and later endorphin... you just can't beat it. it's beautiful.
so i started running several months ago, again. after almost 15 years i know the drill. it's going to be difficult in the beginning. the muscles have to get back in to shape, and i have to start breathing normally. in recent years there's been new elements - tendons need longer to get in shape, my metabolism isn't as strong as it used to be and it takes longer to recover from each run. but on the other hand i have the experience. its a entirely different story when you've been your own coach from the very beginning. you don't conform to anyone, but also take all the responsibility. you set the pace, you provide the requirements, you make the plan and you're only accountable to yourself. lesson learned - lesson applied to the big life-picture.
and now i'm hooked (again or still?). i'm still far from my goal, but i'm going to get there. i know the limitations, and i'm just pacing myself, taking the time to focus on every aspect. just one of the lessons learned.
it's been a long journey, with the early achievements, followed by a big depression, and then the recovery. and i'm still not there. but in the end it's only the journey that counts. and life is the ultimate journey. this is just the dress rehearsal.
and i smile when i look at my little running altar. my symbolic collection of experiences and applications. and it reminds me every day now of the joy of just getting out there, taking the stride, harmonizing my rhythms, breathing in the surrounding, feeling the air flow over my chest and arms, hearing the tempo, the blood flowing through my head, overcoming difficulties, going places...
so when you ask my why i do it? because it is a small version of life, because i've learned the most about myself and gained the most experience that is possible introspectively. it's just you on the road. there's no one to impress and no one to distract you.
but then - maybe all this is just me.
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