forgotten fear

anxiety overcomes me. i have doubted my skill.
for months i've been looking forward to a three-day solo bike trip, and then two sentences from my father get me thinking about the irrational. and i can't control it. the fear of crashing somewhere in the montenegrin mountains. and i know i won't back down, either.
after 15 years of biking, probably 50,000 kilometers, and not a single traffic accident - i'm afraid of three days of riding. i need to reassure myself. this is who i am, what i've become after years of biking, hiking, studying different outdoor skills and overcoming fears. i cannot be reverting to the scared little boy who thought he'd never reach his dreams involving bike, cameras and far-off landscapes. all because of what his daddy said...
the thing that actually annoys me the most is not that i'm susceptible to the words coming from certain people - that's something i consider normal (to some extent). i'm annoyed by the fact that after a long time i'm not able to control a very simple emotion, which is derailing my train of thought. and i derive my sense of security from the fact that i know i can control my emotional reactions in moments of crisis. and now someone dropped a spanner in my mechanism.
this is about growing up. this is about leaving things behind, but more importantly going places, particularly places other people don't get to. and solely because that is your dream, the one you pursue for your own sake. we never really abandon the child in us...

i think i'll go start packing my bike, two weeks in advance, just to get reacquainted with my old experience, to get back the big picture, which should dwarf my puny concerns...