My Phantom Limb

I had her.
She had me.
I wanted a lot.
I had no idea what.
I had no idea what she wanted.
She wanted me.
I wanted her to want more.
I didn’t know who I was.
I’m not sure I know even now.
No one could want that, right?

She knew who I was.
I didn’t realize that.
Then I broke it.
I did.
I had to let her go.
I broke her heart.
Now I don’t have her.

I lost all the trust.
I hope that there is a way.
I beg her forgiveness.
My heart is aching.

I hope she has herself.
I really do.
She still has me.
I know that.
I hope she knows that.
I can’t even say anything.
That doesn’t matter.

I want her to have herself.
I want her to spread her wings.
I have no right to expect their shelter.
I want her to do things for herself.
I want her to grow big and strong and happy.
I want her to conquer the world.
This is what she deserves.

I have no right to expect anything.
I want not to expect anything.
I’ve forfeited all rights.
I want her never to see this.
I can’t have any wants.
What I want is irrelevant.

She is my phantom limb.